Will it rain today?
by Princesssparkles06
Summary: She was gone so long, a cruel dream induced by my drunken state, like so many times before
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: don't own GG or anything related to it . **

**Rating:PG13? **

**Spoilers: Everything up to 3x22 :) **

**Summary: Season 4 fic, first few chapters mostly Nate's POV**

**_Days of absence,_**

**_ sad and dreary, _**

**_Clothed in sorrow's dark array, _**

**_ Days of absence, I am weary; _**

**_She I love is far away. _**

**_~Jean-Jacques Rousseau_**

There she stood a figure in my doorway, a hood covering her face to shield her from the rain to protect her from the prying eyes who drove her away. The moonlight was illuminating her delicate face. No one was to know she was here. No words were said just the touch of her cold fingers to my jaw , eyes closing relishing the tenderness. She was gone so long, a cruel dream induced by my drunken state, like so many times before. A look of pleading in my eyes, so many words i want to say but i remain speechless, she raises her head to take me in one last time a single tear running down her cheek so pale. I beg to hear her voice, say any word something to tell me this is real, any word but the one she whispers so faintly ' goodbye' .

Months later, I lay in my bed, surveying the empty space next to me, my company for the night, Alice or Felicity, what ever her name was had chosen to depart. Glancing at the clock I stumbled to find something thy would satisfy the grumbling in my stomach, a half drunken stagger to the kitchen, finding only scribbles of digits on a canary post it. Reading it I smile and place it in the trash, noticing the buzzing of my cell phone, five new messages, i'd taken to not reading them, they all said the same things conveying worry, what was there to worry about? well at this message was slightly different, a college party at NYU. I didn't go much to class preferring to spend my days frequenting the many gentleman's establishments in the city, but anywhere that had the promise of free alcohol would be fine with me, I think as i find that half full bottle of single malt sitting on the coffee table, drowning away the memories of that evening, the regrets that i carry, and the haunting of her face which will remain until she comes back, if she comes back...


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for everyone who reviewed/ added to favourites or story alert, you guys made my day :) . Apologies for the delay, life got crazy, hence this chapter is kind of short, but I promise the next one will be longer ! Also there are some minor spoilers for season 4 in this.. **

_**All days are nights to see till I see thee,  
And nights bright days when dreams do show thee to me.  
~William Shakespeare, "Sonnet XLIII"**_

If I were more of a poetic person, I would have been able to describe the beauty of the day, but then again I would have to be awake for most of it. If I were paying attention, I'd be able to tell you exactly where I was right now, and what I was doing here two months ago, and if I really cared I would have turned around when I heard my name ' Nathaniel' be called , as I entered the building. uttered in the that ridiculously posh accent that once gave me offers of support and friendship, now which made me pulse which anger and distain each time it was heard.

College parties were always the same, the faint smell of things that definitely not legal. On the outside not somewhere you'd except the supposed cream of new York city to be. the inebriated future leaders of the world gathered around beer kegs.

The part time student DJ spins a song I don't know, all I know is that my heart is starting to ache, must mean it's time for another drink. Grabbing a beer from the now under stocked tub in the corner full of more ice than anything. A curt nod to acknowledge a familiar face, and a smile at that brunette who's had her eye on me since I walked in.

Another hour passing, Sitting drinking, was it my third or fourth? pretending to listen to the girl's story, she'd be my distraction tonight. One arm around the her the other protectively round the bottle. She's young, it's obvious, perhaps too young to be here, her southern accent telling me she's not from the city. A swig from the bottle, a whisper in her ear, that's all it seems to take, she's kissing up on me and I don't stop her, just enjoy the feeling of her warm breath on my neck, and eyes closed head tilted to the floor, wishing it was someone else. Doesn't seem to matter that she's more drunk than buzzed. My conscience is clear or was it clouded by drugs and alcohol ever present in my system.

I wasn't desperate for the body contact, I'm Nate Archibald, I get plenty of that without trying. Each night, getting lucky with a girl at the bar, or a entry from the black book, brunette's, blonde's, it didn't matter, it first started in the Summer, a means of fighting the boredom and supposed heartache that should have come when I broke up with Serena.

'Annie !' the shrill outburst brings me out of my musings, an unintentional laugh escapes, as I recognise the voice of the blonde in front of me. Annie, one of her minions, now fleeing the room.

'Juliet. always a pleasure' I hint of sarcasm in my voice, bringing my gaze to that of hers. Ignoring the crowd that had started to look at us.

Juliet...we had met at a gala held by my grandfather at Columbia's library at the beginning of the semester. We started hanging out, and as college started in full swing, things developed, and were going well. I was well over Serena... and Jenny whom I loved had been MIA all Summer. On the outside she looked like the perfect girl, smart, pretty, charming. Little did I know, she and Blair were engaged in a personal battle to become the 'Queen Bee' of Columbia, one of the things, I came to realise when I brought her to the Van Der Woodsen-Humphrey loft for thanksgiving.

'Nathaniel' She replies shortly, before leaving dispersing the crowd as she went.

With my distraction gone, and my bottle empty, I resolve to leave. Adjusting my sunglasses, disguising my bloodshot eyes as I get up to go, my legs feeling a little limp was I walk, almost losing balance, dropping my bottle loudly on the floor, ' Son of a' I swear loudly, causing people to stare, camera phones pulled out of purses.

I find the exit blocked, by _her _plaid wearing brother, asking me if I'm OK, and another worried look, the same worried look gracing the face of his girlfriend at his side. I reply with a blank expression. His arm resting on my shoulder telling me I shouldn't be alone when I'm so drunk, mentioning Jenny's name. The sound of her name, making my heart spasm, but all I can do is reply with my fist and I shove past him, Walking out into the rain, leaving the plaid covered Humphrey lying on the floor. Adjusting my sunglasses again, I leave, not noticing the tall Blonde in the corner who had just witnessed everything.


	3. Chapter 3

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A/N: Thanks for everyone who reviewed the last chapter. This chapter is jenny's POV.

**'I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was'**

Alcoholics are always told to stay away from the places and people that you are most likely to make you relapse. A crowded party at NYU, was probably the dangerous place I could be right now. I'd come into the city, with a friend yesterday for our college interviews, my intention to stay in the city for as short a time as possible, leaving the same day. Of course, the best laid plans of Jenny Humphrey. Dan had found out and I would be staying in Brooklyn for the weekend,

_As I sat my computer chair, I couldn't help but think how much I missed this place, The shelves on the wall, once full of jars of sequins, and reels of thread now bare. The corner where my sewing machine sat under a dust covered sheet. Flicking through that blue and green sketch book lying on the desk, smiling at a memory it brought, but that smile quickly fading at the next sight, a crystal embellished headband on my nightstand._

_While my intentions to become queen were good, but as they say a certain road is paved with good intentions. After my plans to abolish the hierarchy were ill received, I found myself stooping to new lows. my actions as one of Blair's mean girls surpassed by my actions as Blair's successor. Alienating the people who had always stood by me, drug dealing, and hurting the people I loved the most. Somewhere in between being special little J from Brooklyn and becoming Queen J of the Upper East Side, I'd lost myself._

_Despite what you might hear from Gossip Girl blasts or word on the street. I didn't leave New York because of Blair. Hudson was like rehab for me, it was there I was the happiest I'd been in a while. I'd resolved to learn from my mistakes. I was acting like a normal 17 year old again. Putting my love life to one side to focus on school and designing. Obviously it was paying off because I was eligible for early admission to NYU._

_A knock on the door brings me out of my musings by my step sister, one of the people whom I had to make things right with._

_'Jenny, Hi' She started calmly, her head popping round the door._

_'Serena' I reply with a tinge of surprise, I'd expected our meeting to be a lot different, in fact I wasn't expecting a meeting at all._

_Serena took my response, as a sign to come in her heels clicking on the floor, until she reached the bed and took a seat._

_' Sooo, Dan told me you had your NYU interview today?' She asked politely, her eyes gazing around her surroundings. No one said that this wasn't going to be awkward I think to myself, but at least grateful that there's no shouting or name calling.. yet ._

_' Yeah, it went well...I'm enrolling in April' keeping it casual._

_Serena nods ' that great' not quite looking at me._

_She stays a few minutes longer, talking about life in Hudson. We're avoiding the no go topic, but I know one of us has to bring it up, we need to clear the air, I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what has to be said._

_' Listen Serena..about' I find myself looking at her face._

_' Jenny.. I'm not going to say it didn't hurt, but we all make our mistakes. God knows I have, but I spent the whole summer and then some trying to figure things out. That picture of me and Dan, kinda put things in context, and if you didn't take the picture I'd still be pretending to be in love with someone I wasn't '_

_While I'm happy to be clearing the air, I'm wishing that she hadn't mentioned the last part, so I change the subject, and say the first thing that comes to my mind._

_' How is he?' Once again my heart has betrayed by head, and I'm mentally scolding myself. I'm not sure I want to know the answer, to I turn my attention to a piece of lint on my jeans. Looking up only after a few seconds, because Serena hasn't answered, she's licking her lips nervously and looking at the floor._

_' Serena?' I ask concerned, okay I'm starting to worry._

_She brings her eye's level to mine and just shakes her head sadly. I may have tried to steal her boyfriend, break up her mom and my dad, but I never had anything against her. I go over and give her a hug._

_' So, nice to see that your all getting along again?' comes my bumbling brother._

_We pull apart, and laugh at Dan's remark._

_' So we're good?' I ask cautiously_

_' Yeah I think we are' she giggles in her trademark way._

_So now that the love fest is over, there's a pre Christmas party at one of the dorms, you guys want to come?' Dan interrupts_

_'Yea sure, Jenny how bout u?'Serena turns to me with a smile._

_I hesitate a little, but under a little coercion from Serena and Dan and eventually Eric I agree._

The music has stopped abruptly, me and Eric look blankly at each other. I hadn't drunk in a while, so it could have been the alcohol in my system, but I felt compelled to see what was going on, So I start to move towards the front of the crowd that has formed, but stop when I hear a woman's voice say his name. I try and turn around, looking for Eric, Dan or Serena. It was always going to be hard seeing him again, and I'm not sure I want to, too many memories and too many things left unsaid.

But .the sound of his voice, means my resolve is weakening. His back is to me, and I'm wishing that he'll turn around content to just see his face, just a millisecond, so I could compare it to the one that had been imprinted in my memory since our last meeting .A black and white memory that played in head every night since. It was never meant to be like this, I'd said goodbye, gone back to Hudson, I meant to have forgotten about him. A silent stillness coming over me, as the music begins again and I finally see him clearly.

A tightness is forming in my chest and a desperate need for air, as I see him drunkenly stagger down the room, my pulse slowing as I see his stubble filled face. Blood draining from my already pale face to keep my heart pumping, a pain stabbing me as I watch my brother falling on the floor, but all I can do is stare transfixed on the exit, Tears refusing to spill further, but wishing they would, releasing the emotion built up within I find myself here tonight at the party. Thankfully not many people at NYU seemed to know who I was. But I did get a few blank stares from a few headband wearing girls in the corner. I may not know many people here, but it was nice to be out I guess. I stand with Eric catching up ,towards the back of the fairy light covered room. We're talking about college, and his boyfriend Oliver, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about what had made Serena so sad earlier in the day, and telling myself off, for thinking about him.

My sights turn to my sister aiding my now standing brother, her eyes filling up with a mix of sadness and sympathy as her gaze meets mine, and her lips mouthing 'I'm sorry'. I feel claustrophobic ,tears are close to falling, running through the crowd out the door, catching my breath out on the street The heavy rain soaking my coat and the loud beat of the music drowned out. The dam breaking as tears fall..I'd thought I'd cried my last tear for Nate Archibald...


End file.
